Kristin bites her fingernails off while the French government takes it's sweet sweet time

As I am writing this blog post, I am literally sitting in the middle of my driveway waiting for the mail to arrive. Why you ask? Because today is literally the very last day that receiving an arrêté (my French teaching contract) is still within the realm of an acceptable time frame. I have pre-written an email of distress to the embassy and am preparing to throw a super huge stress fit because my visa appointment is next week and re-scheduling with the Atlanta consulate basically insures my inability to use the 1300$ plane ticket I had to purchase in order to be prepared for my visa appointment.

And oh goodie, no mail for us today. The email of distress has been sent.

The French government is not making a very nice first impression on me right now.

In other news,

I DID finally receive a placement email for Tours. Which was very exciting since I am much less likely to get lost and die of dehydration there.

I have been talking to two, possibly three (although we doubt we will find a house big enough for four of us in the city) roommates. So at least I know that if I ever actually arrive in France I will have a nice team of house-hunters with which to share the unnerving adventure of finding housing before my hotel reservation is up. We have one lead on a house in Tours centre that, at least based on the pictures, I'm kind of in love with. One of the girls contacted the agency and we're setting up a viewing when we arrive in France. Hopefully it is as awesome as it seems and if so, hopefully we can snag it. This is in-the-last-hour information by the way, aren't you impressed?

In addition, I've been in touch with lots of other assistants that will be arriving in Tours for the fall. We've created a nice little support group and everyone is stressing out together. It's nice to know that stressing out over government paperwork is an international constant, I guess...is it nice? 

Update: Fast response from the embassy. Apparently, I should have also received a scanned copy of my contract by email. I have received no such document. The embassy is getting in touch with my academie. I'll let you know how that goes.

Other than a ton of visa paperwork and preparation (which will be a separate post), I have also gotten two French court translated copies of my birth certificate as well as having the Secretary of State here attach apostilles to my original birth certificate copies (official copies, scans aren't acceptable). The translations cost me 76€ which I was able to pay through paypal. Can I just say how useful it is that they do the currency exchange automatically? The process was really simple. I used Tetrad services by recommendation of our assistant handbook and I was really pleased with the experience. I emailed back and forth the owner and main translator, Terence Atkinson. He was very kind and really went above and beyond to help me understand the process and to tell me about his experience in the region. Another plus was that because he is a sworn court translator, it isn't necessary for me to run around the consulate here trying to figure out how to get my translations authenticated. They're already completely acceptable to the French government.

Update 2: The embassy is impressive with their response time. If I have to, I can use a scanned copy of my contract for my visa appointment next week. Assuming we can find the original to make that scan, I guess. At the moment, we're still trying to figure out why I never received either copy. 

I guess other than that, I've been trying to decide what the best wardrobe mixture is. It doesn't get much colder in Tours than the colder days of January here. It does rain a lot though. Unfortunately, I've never had a job for which I needed to dress professionally...so I'm looking at having to buy quite a few things before I leave. :/ 

I promise that one day these posts will be full of pictures. Unfortunately, I haven't reached the part of this journey that involves picture taking. I believe the Atlanta road trip for my visa will be the first. Right now though, it's all words and imagination. Which is pretty much how I feel about the whole process. 

More updated soon.

I haven't fallen off the face of the earth...

...which is something you already know if you've been seeing my posts about kittens and puppies and the world cup on Facebook (for real though that US-Portugal game).

No, I have survived the wedding despite the forces of the underworld joining together to ensure my defeat. I have survived their rabid attacks and lived to curl up into a fetal position another day! And now, at the end of all of the tortuous, arduous, stressful, and in many cases pointless nonsense I am married to the most awesome guy ever. I shall not say that I would go back in time and do it all again for him, because let's be honest:

    1. We would elope.
    2. There are way cooler ways to use a time machine.

I can say with absolute certainty that he agrees with me on both points. As far as that goes, we're both content to see it fall behind us and enjoy what's going on now that it's over.

And with 2 out of 3 of these big things complete (graduation: check, wedding: check, France: whoa...wait...what's going on?) we're moving on to that third thing.

So, TAPIF news:

1. I've gotten a few more emails. The first was the assistant handbook which has all the details of what paperwork I need and when and who I should contact about translation work and whatnot. The second was an email addressed to all of the Orléans-Tours assistants so that we can talk to each other (which was pretty much pointless since we basically just used it to tell everyone to join the Facebook group :P). The third was a "hurry up and get your visa appointments booked" email which is kind of stressing me out. My stupid consulate (Atlanta) won't let you book until the month of your desired appointment date. Meaning that right now the only available appointments are in June and I need one for the beginning or middle of August.

2. They started pre-emailing city assignments to literally everyone but a tortured few in our académie. And yes, I am one of the few being tortured. No email. No arrêté (teaching contract containing super important information like WHERE I AM LIVING). And it seems like literally everyone but three or four of us already know where they are living and at what schools they'll be teaching. Some of them already have free housing or are discussing rooming together in apartments they've already found. Can you see me turning hulk green with envy over here? I have been checking my email literally every five minutes since they started placing assistants over three weeks ago. If my fingernails weren't still perfectly manicured from the wedding I would have chewed them down to stubs by now...like I wouldn't even have fingers probably...maybe not even hands. I have nightmares about never receiving my contract.

3. I am babysitting like a lot in a futile attempt to save money to live my first couple of months in France (and you know plane ticket, visa, translations, apostilles, etc). And yes it is futile. It turns out that living in the US costs money too, especially when you have to buy weird things for your wedding that you would never ever think about until the last minute (bobby pins, hair spray, make-up setting spray, nail polish, shoes, guest books, bridal party gifts, etc, etc, etc). Basically I'm super broke and will probably end up a hobo on the streets of France in between classes (just kidding, we'll figure something out...hopefully).

The good news is that despite the futility of actually saving the money, I am making some and have actually been able to put gas in my car and food on my table. So that's cool. Plus, for me, there is literally no better way to make money than to go hang out with kids all day. It means varied activities such as teaching a child how to swim like a mermaid, explaining to nine year old boys why I don't want to talk about poop for forty-five minutes, or discussing the various plot holes, narrative flaws, acting fails, and general ridiculousness of the newer 90210 series that is, apparently, on Netflix (which I know because I was subjected to somewhere around 10 straight hours of it the other day and, I am incredibly ashamed to say, did not hate it nearly as much as I should have)*. And varied is good because, much like the small children and teenagers, I get bored easily.

I'll try to update more once I can actually get this paperwork started. It's pretty impossible to do a lot of it before I get my contract though, so fingers crossed that it comes in soon.

*This experience also resulted in my feeling the moral obligation to chime into the shows discussions on various subjects and explain why it was not a good idea to do what those people were doing. This received many an eye roll which pleased me greatly. Eye rolling means you're doing it right, you guys.

Updates on everything.

First, TAPIF.

I have had another email from the embassy. It was really just an email telling all of us panicked/curious/impatient assistants to chill out and be patient while we wait for more instructions/ an "arrêté de nomination". It did have a couple of useful links to dissuade us from driving our embassy contact insane though.

"Arrêté de nomination": This is my teaching contract. This contains the name(s) of my school(s) and the city I'll be working in as well as the contact person for my school that will be able to tell me about housing options and so on. So until I receive it I have literally no idea what city or town or village or sheep cheese factory* I'll be living in and I definitely won't know where I'll be teaching. These come in anywhere from June to the middle of August and I can do almost nothing but save money until I get mine. So for now I and all the people asking me questions about it will have to be satisfied with "I'm teaching French kids (ages 6-11) English somewhere in central France."

As far as saving money, it is impossible to get an official summer job here. I imagine that is the case in most of the country right now. No one wants to waste money on training someone that's only going to be with them for a few months. But I'm tutoring and baby-sitting as much as possible this summer--both of which are my preferred money-making activities anyway. So hopefully I won't die of starvation and exposure after I arrive in France...hopefully.

Second (and perhaps it should have been first), I graduated! WOOO! Here's a really terrible picture without my magic golden stole:

It should have been exciting but mostly it was just painful. I had an appointment for a trigger point injection (big giant needle in your back) that got moved to the day before graduation and I'm allergic to the stuff that makes it hurt less afterward. So I spent my entire graduation hoping I didn't collapse into a puddle before it was all over. The part of me that wasn't howling in pain was excited though. Until I have an aneurism and decide to go for some more letters at the end of my name, I don't have to write anymore papers! I saw most of my favorite professors and bid them adieu (although unfortunately for them I'm totally going to be back there again before I leave to bother them). I got a high five from Dr. Randle, which was pretty epic and there was a lot of hugging from Madame. I was threatened with my life by many of them to keep in touch and post a million updates and pictures while I am living in France. And then my family went to get food, where I almost had a heart attack when I opened the bathroom door and all the fire alarms began going off.**

I think I'm more excited about finishing all my finals and papers than I am about the actual graduation. This semester was, pardon my English, sheer hell. I am sooooooooooo glad that I was not working 25+ hours a week on top of that. I do not know if that magic golden stole giving GPA would have remained intact. As is, I nearly finished my Spanish Civ. research paper and made up the lost points for the word "nearly" by taking the final from which I was exempt, I wrote fourteen pages of summary in French for my cultural dossier, wrote a final paper for French film, and wrote an additional chapter (also in French) for "Une Pièce Montée" by Blandine le Callet for French Postmodern Novel. All were due in the last week of classes. It was a little hectic since I had not had much time to work on a lot of this over the semester due to the amount of other papers I was writing. I'm pretty relieved it is over.

Third, the wedding is a little over a month away. My current status on this (as well as Sam's) is, "please don't talk to me about my wedding." So that's going incredibly stressfully. 

All and all, I'm glad that very soon my focus will be entirely on getting to France and enjoying my last few months in Mississippi before the long stint abroad. 

Last of all, Happy Mother's Day everyone! I'm sorry my mom is better than yours, but maybe you'll be okay anyway.

*Probably not one of those since the sheep are more in the basque region and I'll be in the wine valleys. 

**Literally the second I pushed open the door there was an explosion of flashing lights and sirens. I couldn't imagine what I had done to cause this panic. It took a few minutes for me to realize that there was no possible way that I could have caused the fire alarms to go off by opening a bathroom door. Perhaps it should have taken a college graduate less time to realize this. I took solace in the fact that my fiancé had to tell my brother (who also just graduated) and I that we had to stop arguing about tautology because it was an entirely too pretentious conversation to be having at lunch. So maybe I can't function in normal every day society, but at least I can hold my own when arguing about things that are totally useless in daily life, right? I'm pretty sure that's the whole point of higher education. 

The Waiting Game

In a quick succession of posts...

I promise I will disappoint you with infrequent posts at some point and the only reason these last two are so very close together is because it took me so very long to write the first.

And so...

This is pure torture. I got my acceptance letter just 11 days ago and I am already getting seriously impatient for more information. I have been obsessively watching the rising prices of plane tickets and looking at different living options around the Orléans-Tours area. I am SO not good at not being able to plan things.

I take comfort in knowing that I am likely to be pretty happy wherever they stick me, as long as I'm in France and can get to a train station. So I guess I'm not stressing out so much about the lack of information and more about the lack of being able to do anything. The only other thing I'm worried about is the start-up money--plane tickets, initial rent and living expenses, visa, etc. For now I'm doing what I can to make sure I have work over the summer and trying not to lose my mind before I hear from my school(s).

If I am totally honest...

I am hoping to get something closer to Tours. I really love Tours and I believe there will be some students from my school there for the Fall semester (I think--maybe. UPDATE: There won't be. So sad...maybe I can convert some people into French majors before I leave? Not that my French professor needs any help. People change majors just to take more classes with her ALL THE TIME. She is awesome.). I would pretty much be in heaven getting to show first-timers everything around Tours and hopefully keeping them from getting lost for 4-6 hours on their second day there (definitely happened to me and my travel buddy and hence the blog name*).

In the realm of graduating:

I have the most intense senioritis. I am so sick of being in college. I know that there will be a day when I look back on these times with nostalgia and say "Oh to be in college again!" but that time is not now. I hate papers. I hate homework. I hate research. I hate projects. I hate sitting still in uncomfortable chairs and taking notes for hours on end. I am tired of furiously stuffing new information into my brain so that I can maintain my GPA. Oh mon dieu are there days when I have no control over which language comes out of my mouth and the French, Spanish, English, and Latin all fuse into one ungodly brain-slur of exhaustion. And while the uncontrollable subconscious translation of everything that I read in English into the last language I spoke to a professor may be an indication of something useful that will no doubt aid me in France (and breathe), for now it only adds to the over-taxation of my too-full brain. I am also really tired of the extra toll that studying takes on my back. I would really like to maybe not have to go to the chiropractor three times a week and I'm pretty sure that studying is the cause of at least one of those visits per week.

In the dark recesses of my memory, I know that I really love learning...but right now I would really like to sit in front of my television for a couple of days and melt my brains out.

All that being said, I am really going to miss the constant access to professors and friends. I'm going to miss staying up all night talking and hanging out with people when I'm supposed to be studying for a mid-term that I have the next morning. And at some point I'm going to miss my classes.

In the realm of wedding:

I am still at the point of "I just don't even want to have a wedding and can someone just hand me a piece of paper saying that we're married because that's the important part. Right???" Sam is there too, I think. We've both (okay, mostly I have) said various times that we wish we were more selfish so that we could just go get married on a beach by ourselves and then spend a week sleeping in a cabana with umbrella drinks. I don't know if that's just both of us already having so much to think about without wedding stuff, or if we're actually just mean people who don't love our friends and families enough to be excited (I'm pretty sure it's the first thing). But there will be a wedding...even if it's a pretty weird and small one. I have a dress. There's going to be cake...sort of. Everyone can breathe a sigh of relief and stop waiting for us to cancel it.

I'm not proof-reading this out of yet more rebellion toward academia. TAKE THAT, SCHOOL OF HUMANITIES!

*No seriously. We were fairly decent walkers especially considering that we're from Mississippi and walking is NOT a practical form of transport here. However, our wonderful professor had taken us on about a twenty mile whirl-wind tour of Tours that day and by the time we began the long (well thirty or forty minutes from the end of Rue Nationale) walk home, we were already really exhausted, thirsty, and hungry. We got SO lost. We forgot that there was another street between the street we were on and the street we lived on. We walked up and down a three or four mile stretch of road for couple hours before beginning to explore side streets. NO ONE knew where the street we lived on was located. My feet literally started bleeding at one point. We were both extremely dehydrated and had devolved to the point of ridiculous bickering and general crankiness. It was awful and it felt like we were lost for days instead of hours.

TAPIF: Application and Acceptance

So, part of the reason I finally broke down to write this blog is so that my fellow francophiles and anyone else interested in TAPIF might have an idea as to what this program actually entails--from application all the way to my last day as a teaching assistant. So here come the chapters...

(those of you who are reading because you love me or because you're a commiserating assistant and don't care about application details feel free to skip to the next post)

I. We have no idea what you're doing with your life. Is "TAPIF" code for selling yourself for baguettes out of a Parisian sewer?

Despite the famously low pay-grade, I can almost certainly assure you that I'm not that desperate for baguettes yet...brioche may be a different story, but we'll talk about brioche later (there's going to be so much brioche). TAPIF=Teaching Assistant Program in France. The program is sponsored by the French ministry of education and as an U.S. citizen all my paperwork goes through the Embassy of France in Washington, DC. So, what does that mean? I know. I've still told you nothing useful. Basically, I've applied (and been accepted,  yay!) to assist in teaching English in France. 

I, specifically, will be teaching primary school kids somewhere in the Académie d'Orléans-Tours (this is one of the bigger French school districts). It will be a little while until I find out in which city I'll be. You receive your specific school assignments only after you've confirmed your participation in the program and every one in France has had some time to pull their hair out trying to get 1000 foreigners placed in public schools throughout France and "Outre Mer"s (overseas departments like Martinique or Réunion). 

So more generally, my placement is obviously one of many possibilities. When you apply to TAPIF you'll be choosing académie preferences and grade level preferences. You'll be teaching at up to three schools in that region for a total of 12 in-class hours. However, none of your choices are guaranteed to be your actual placement if you're accepted into the program. I got lucky and ended up with everything I asked, but you could end up in a completely random school teaching middle-schoolers even if you wanted to be Nice teaching 5 year olds. Although, they DO say that it is likely that you'll receive at least one of your preferences. So if a 7 month mystery job in an unknown part of France--unknown to you, they aren't sending you into the wild...probably--anyway, if that sounds like fun times to you then we'll move on to the next thing...

II. What about that application?

1. TIME: This year, applications were due on January 15. START EARLY! In my case, there were a ton of documents to collect before I could finish my application and even without those documents the application took foooorreeevvveeerrr. Especially, if you are thinking of applying and do not have a passport/your passport is old/you have less than two blank pages in your passport, you should get a move on as soon as the application is available AND you should get/renew that passport immediately. I was able to complete my application within a few weeks because I had a passport and none of my paperwork went missing, but I do not recommend waiting until a month before the deadline. Give yourself lots of time. 

2. RESEARCH: First of all, research the job. If getting paid peanuts for working 12 hours a week (sans prep time) and having a ton of empty hours in a foreign country freaks you out, don't apply. I have a friend that didn't apply because the whole idea of her wandering around by herself looking for an apartment in a mystery city made her mother burst into tears--that's another thing you might want to consider. Secondly, research the académie regions. Guess what, the mountains, they're REALLY cold--if you're prone to death by pneumonia, you might want to request somewhere a bit sunnier. Also, like the US, the regions contain some wildly different cultures (okay maybe not quite as wild as somewhere like Spain but you get the drift). I'm going to be in the wine valleys--it is a wonderful place surrounded by countryside and castles with the slow-moving Loire river running throughout. But maybe you're more of a Parisian? Or maybe you would like to go snorkeling in Guadalupe in your free-time? 

3. REQUIREMENTS: These are available on the website (www.tapif.org). Basically, you need at least a B1 proficiency in French (able to hold conversations on familiar subjects in French with native speakers, etc). They like French majors, but it isn't technically a requirement. They also prefer that you've traveled a bit. This is just to make sure that you actually enjoy experiencing a different culture and are open to sharing your own. Stuff like teaching experience will, of course, help your case. You will need a personal reference and some proof of your proficiency level (that can be a reference from your French professor or the results of an official proficiency test). In addition you'll be writing a short personal statement about why you're applying for the program. This has to be written in French without the help of anyone else. They're using it to get an idea of your proficiency as well as to decide whether or not you will be motivated properly for the job. You will also need paperwork like a scan of the first two pages of your passport, transcripts from any universities you've attended, etc. Do not attach anything they don't ask for (e.g. a résumé). There is also an application fee. I think mine was around $40. Getting the application in early will save you a panicked rush near the due date, but it won't make you more likely to get the job. So if you're just now deciding to do this two weeks before the deadline, don't give up. As long as you get it done before the deadline, you stand as much a chance as everyone else. Again, all of this is on the website. Read the instructions thoroughly and you should have no problem.

4. THE WAIT: January 12-April 1 was sheer and unadulterated torture. I can't even imagine what is was like for everyone that started applying when the application was first released. If you are like me, you will waffle back and forth between confidence and hopelessness the entire time. If you are lucky, you will occasionally forget that you're waiting for that fateful email and not spend your time obsessive-compulsively checking your inbox for an answer you know won't come until April. You will spend your time fearing that you'll be turned down. You may even spend your time fearing you'll be accepted (I had those days for sure). 

III. The answer:

In the end, when the acceptance email showed up in my inbox, all doubt was erased by the overwhelming excitement of being told I could go back my beloved Loire valley, France. I hope if you're waiting for your answer, that you get to experience that excitement too. However,  there are three answers you might receive. 

1. ACCEPTANCE. YAY!: Get ready for the incredible and super cheap wine, unparalleled carbs (and, you know, other food), and a ton of questions about New York and California--those were the only two places most of my acquaintances were aware existed when we met. You WILL need to let the embassy know if you intend to accept the position. This year I received my acceptance letter on April 1 (that made me a little nervous) and a response was requested by no later than April 20th. When you accept they'll send a confirmation email basically telling you to be patient and get your paperwork in order. I assume that April 21 will be the beginning of wait-list placement for all the positions that were either denied or did not respond. However, I don't know because I didn't get that letter. Which brings us to...

2. WAIT-LIST: You weren't denied and you probably had a pretty good application. There were just more qualified candidates out there. But don't lose hope yet! A lot of people decide they can't participate in the program after being accepted and it's possible you might receive one of their positions. If you're curious to know your position on the wait-list, you can email them (assistant.washington-amba@diplomatie.gouv.fr) and ask.

3.  DENIAL: I hope you weren't too set on France and if you were I'm very sorry. I recommend trying to get some more language and teaching experience and re-applying next year. Also, I'm pretty positive it was my references that really helped my application--so if you can find some really qualified people who think you're awesome, ask them to write those recommendations. There's so much you can do to up your chances for next year. So if you really think this program is for you, work at it and re-apply.

That's all I've got for now. I'm in the weird wait period between acceptance and actually knowing what the heck I'm supposed to do next. The TAPIF USA Facebook page has been informing all of the impatient, OCD, information-seekers (like myself) that we should be receiving information from our contacts in our specific school in June or July. And yes, it IS killing me to not know.

Also, I apologize for grammar, spelling, or information errors. As for grammar and spelling, I've been writing and re-writing French and English literature papers for so long now that I absolutely refuse to do much more proof-reading. I do genuinely apologize for my famously long sentences though. I can hear you all trying to breathe for me. Information: this is just everything I've gleaned and definitely doesn't replace doing the research for yourself (because things change and stuff). Hopefully, this is a pretty decent intro, but for all that is holy do not use it en lieu of the actual instructions. It is disgracefully insufficient for that.

Now you get real French brioche from Tours:

Quant à moi

Bonjour, all!

I guess I'm finally out in the blogosphere...is that still a word we use?

...Blogs blogs blogs...

Blogs are a complicated concept for me. Despite my background in literature and language, blogging has always seemed like such a presumptuous thing for me to do. I enjoy when other people blog and I read a lot of different blogs, but whenever I began to think about blogging myself, I always felt a certain hesitance. Do I really have enough to say for this? Well, yes--but half the forty billion thoughts running through my head on a daily basis are jumbled-up whims such as "I would like to drop this cup of coffee into the stairwell just because..." or "I wonder what would happen if I slapped this stranger across the face for no reason" or "*insert various impromptu songs about cats and tying my shoes*". Is that really blog-worthy? And if I could finally organize my thoughts into self-expression, how likely would it be that I would look back on these public declarations as the bane of my youth?

Et cetera.

Well bane or no, the time has come. Future me, you are a judgmental hussy with better things to do than hanging your head in shame at the silliness of your past self. Go drive around in your hover car and play with your genetically-engineered unicorn cats.

Really though, I'm here to recount my journeys. You may expect a mixture of material (because there's just no controlling my brain content sometimes): walk-throughs on what I'm doing for TAPIF for the curious or advice-less, rambling (that's just gonna happen), and, of course--for all of you who have expressed the desire to live vicariously through my French adventures--lots and lots of pictures of everything all the time.

Graduating, wedding planning, and preparing to move countries all at once?

I might...maybe...have this.

(Here. I got you a cat.)

[picture courtesy of me, you thieves]